Feedback is often described as a gift. In reality, it only becomes a gift when we know how to receive it. Recently, I undertook a deliberate and structured feedback exercise as part of my year end analysis. I invited input from my direct team, my wider stakeholders, my manager, and people I work closely with. Not just the people who would say nice things, but the people whose perspective genuinely matters. And that process reminded me of something important:
People don’t hold back from giving feedback because they don’t have opinions.They hold back because they’re unsure how we’ll react.
Psychological Safety Starts With the Leader
Giving honest feedback is uncomfortable. Receiving it can be even more so.
If people believe that feedback will be met with defensiveness, justification or subtle punishment, they will soften it, dilute it or stay silent altogether. That’s not a feedback problem it’s a psychological safety problem. As leaders, coaches and professionals, we don’t create safety by asking for feedback once. We create it by how we respond every time we receive it.
Not with “Yes, but…”And not with “Let me explain…”
Instead, we build safety with “Yes, and…”
“Yes, and thank you.”“Yes, and tell me more.”“Yes, and I’m going to sit with that.”
A Moment of Vulnerability: How I Thought I Showed Up
One of the most powerful insights from the feedback was this:
There was a noticeable gap between how I think I show up and how others experience me showing up. What struck me wasn’t whether the gap was positive or negative it was the existence of the gap itself. In terms of intent, effort and energy, there was general alignment. The level of application I believe I bring is largely what others see and yet, the feedback highlighted subtle differences in presence, impact and felt energy the “showing up-ness,” if you like. That awareness alone was invaluable. Because feedback doesn’t exist to label us as right or wrong. It exists to reveal blind spots. And once the blind spot is visible, responsibility shifts back to us not to defend it, not to justify it, but to decide what we want to do with it.
Clarify, Don’t Justify
One important discipline I had to practice was this:
Clarifying feedback is not the same as justifying yourself.
Clarification sounds like:
Justification sounds like:
One builds trust.The other quietly erodes it.
Evidence of Psychological Safety
After the feedback process concluded, the organisation that facilitated it shared something unexpected. They described the responses as some of the most radically candid, honest, and raw feedback they had seen. Their reflection was simple but powerful:
That comment mattered to me not as praise, but as confirmation that creating safety is possible when leaders consistently model openness, curiosity and restraint.
Feedback Is an Investment, Not an Event
Feedback isn’t just about collecting data, it’s about building the emotional capacity to receive it well. That may mean doing some inner work:
That work is uncomfortable and it is absolutely worth it.
Because when people feel safe enough to tell you the truth, you gain access to insight that performance metrics alone will never give you.
A Call to Action
If you’re reading this, here’s my encouragement:
Don’t just ask for feedback. Create the conditions where honest feedback is possible.
And remember:
Invest in your ability to receive feedback well. It might be one of the most important leadership skills you ever develop.
N.B. I SHARED THE FEEDBACK RESULTS WITH THE TEAM WITH A PROMISE TO SIT DOWN WITH MY MANAGER IN THE NEW YEAR AND DO A FULL DEBRIEF OF THAT FEEDBACK TO HELP WITH MY DEELOPMENT
