you misunderstand me, That’s Not What I Meant to say:how to Say It So They Get It

Lloyd M
Jul 25
3 min read

🟦 A Leadership Nudge from L2M Coaching & Mentoring

🎥 Watch the 60-second video version here:👉 https://youtu.be/UkzS5Hcmjw8

We’ve all been there.

You say something in a meeting, in a coaching session, or even to your child and almost immediately, you can feel it land wrong.

You pause.You backtrack.You think to yourself:

“Wait - that’s not what I meant.”

And yet, how you meant it doesn’t always match how it was received.This moment of misalignment is one of the most underused opportunities in leadership.

🧭 Why “That’s Not What I Meant” Matters in Leadership

In your role as a leader - whether in the workplace, at home, or in the community - your words carry weight. But leadership isn’t about delivering a perfect script. It’s about building trust through communication that resonates.

When your message causes confusion or conflict, how you respond next reveals more about your leadership than the original message ever could.

Do you:

Get defensive and insist your intention was pure?
Blame the listener for “misunderstanding” you?
Or do you pause, take responsibility and choose to clarify?

🟦 At L2M Coaching, we believe that moments of misunderstanding are invitations for deeper connection.

💬 The Gap Between Intention and Impact

You intended to motivate.They heard criticism.

You meant to set a boundary.They felt dismissed.

You tried to lighten the mood.They felt mocked.

This gap between intention and impact is often where trust erodes or strengthens.

And that’s the nuance: it’s not about who’s right, it’s about whether the message served the relationship and the goal.

🎯 Reframing the Moment

When you notice you’ve been misunderstood, don’t panic. Don’t double down. Instead, Accept responsibility, pause and rephrase with care. Here's how:

“Let me say that in a better way…”
“What I meant to express was…”
“I realise how that might have come across. Let me reframe it.”
“Can I take a second to make that clearer?”

These phrases do something powerful:

✔️ They model emotional intelligence

✔️ They invite psychological safety

✔️ They shift you from performance mode to presence

This is especially vital when leading diverse teams where tone, phrasing and context can easily be misinterpreted.

🧠 The Deeper Lesson: Communication is a Two-Way Street

If we want to lead effectively, we have to drop the ego and embrace the truth that our words are only as effective as the meaning they carry into the ears of others.

Being misunderstood doesn’t mean you failed. It means you're being given a second chance to communicate with more heart and more clarity.

And honestly what a gift.

🪄 Nudge for the Week:

Don’t just repeat yourself louder. Rephrase yourself smarter. Say it so they get it. Every time.

Whether you're in a boardroom, a classroom or around the dinner table speak not just to be heard, but to be understood.

📺 Watch the Leadership Nudge:

🎥 That’s Not What I Meant – Say It So They Get It (Leadership Nudge #27)

Ready to Build a Communication Culture That Connects?

At L2M Coaching & Mentoring, we equip leaders, parents, and professionals with tools to communicate with clarity, coach with empathy, and lead with purpose.

✅ Book a Discovery Call✅ Browse our Leadership Toolkits & Card Decks✅ Join our Leadership Circle or Coaching Masterclasses

🌐 Visit: www.L2MCoaching.com📧 Get in touch: hello@L2MCoaching.com🟦 L2M Coaching & Mentoring – Unlock Your Potential