🧠 Gaslighting in Leadership: What It Is, What It Looks Like, and What to Do Instead

Gaslighting in Leadership: What It Is, What It Looks Like, and What to Do Instead.

By L2MCoaching

“You’re too sensitive.”“You’re being defensive.”“You’re overreacting.”

These phrases may sound like harmless observations. But in reality, they can be powerful tools of gaslighting—especially in leadership settings.

And when leaders gaslight—intentionally or not—they create environments where trust erodes, morale dips, and communication shuts down.

🚩 What is Gaslighting in Leadership?

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where someone makes another person question their feelings, perceptions, or sanity. In the workplace, it often shows up in more subtle forms:

• Dismissing concerns as “overreactions”

• Downplaying valid feedback as “being too sensitive”

• Turning legitimate emotional responses into “drama” or “defensiveness”

These phrases aren’t just harmful—they’re dismissive. They silence feedback, invalidate lived experiences, and shift responsibility away from the leader.

🤔 What’s Really Going On?

When someone uses these phrases, it’s often not about the other person being “too emotional.” It’s about the leader being uncomfortable with accountability.

This kind of language:

• Shuts down honest dialogue

• Inhibits emotional safety and trust

• Contributes to toxic cultures

Even if unintentional, the impact is still damaging.

💡 What to Say Instead

Leadership is not about being right. It’s about being responsible—especially for the emotional climate you create.

Here are some healthier alternatives:

• “Thanks for sharing that. Can we explore what made you feel that way?”

• “I didn't intend to cause harm, but I hear that I did. Let's talk it through.”

• “Your perspective matters—help me understand it better.”

These simple shifts build trust, encourage growth, and foster psychological safety—the foundation of high-performing teams.

🔁 Nudge of the Day: Lead Different

If someone expresses discomfort, don’t deflect—lean in.

Labeling someone’s emotional response won’t make the discomfort go away. But leaning into it with curiosity and humility? That’s how real leadership happens.

💬 Have you encountered gaslighting language at work—or caught yourself using it? What did you learn? Let’s keep the conversation going. Share your thoughts in the comments or reach out for a coaching conversation.

📥 Want to build a psychologically safe and emotionally intelligent workplace culture?Explore our coaching programmes at L2MCoaching.com or connect with us for a bespoke workshop. #L2MCoaching #LeadershipNudge #GaslightingAwareness #EmotionalIntelligence #PsychologicalSafety #LeadershipWithHeart #CoachingCulture