Why Most Feedback Falls Flat And How to Make Yours Count

Lloyd M
3 days ago
2 min read

By Lloyd at L2M Coaching & Mentoring

Whether you're a leader, coach, educator, or parent, you've likely had moments when your feedback didn’t land the way you hoped. Maybe the person shut down. Maybe they got defensive. Or maybe despite your best intentions your message just didn’t stick.

The truth is, feedback is an essential leadership skill, but it’s often misunderstood. At L2M Coaching & Mentoring, we believe feedback should fuel growth, not fear. When used well, it's not just about correction it's about connection, clarity, and confidence.

So What Makes Feedback Effective?

It starts with intention. Are you speaking to empower or to vent? Are you sharing insight or asserting control? People respond to your why just as much as your what.

To help you reflect on your approach, we’ve created a Feedback Cheat Sheet that outlines 15 habits that help and 15 pitfalls to avoid. Here are some highlights:

✅ Power Habits That Strengthen Feedback

Keep it conversational. Feedback is more likely to be heard if it feels like a dialogue, not a lecture.
Describe, don’t diagnose. Stick to what you saw or heard, not what you think the other person meant.
Name impact. Saying “this made me feel unsupported” is clearer than “you were rude.”
Adapt your style. Some people prefer directness. Others need time to reflect. Know your audience.

❌ Common Traps That Shut People Down

Vague statements like “do better.” These lack direction or clarity.
Delivering feedback in the heat of emotion. High tension lowers listening.
Telling rather than exploring. Feedback that’s a monologue, not a discussion, often misses the mark.
Hiding criticism in fake praise. People sense when you’re not being real.

💬 Say What You Feel And Mean It

Words like frustrated, appreciated, ignored, or energized are powerful because they show your human experience. Try saying, “When you missed the deadline, I felt overwhelmed because I had to change my schedule.” That’s more impactful and fair than saying, “You always drop the ball.”

📥 Want the Full Cheat Sheet?

We’ve bundled our full 15 Do’s and Don’ts list plus an emotional vocabulary bank into a free downloadable Effective Feedback Cheat Sheet to use in coaching sessions, team meetings, or personal reflection. 👉 Cheat Sheet here:

Final Thought

Feedback isn’t about being “nice” or “brutally honest.” It’s about building trust while encouraging growth. Whether you’re leading a team or guiding a teenager, the way you give feedback matters just as much as the message itself.

Let’s get bettertogether.

– Lloyd, Founder of L2M Coaching & Mentoring Unlock Your Potential