🧠 Men, Mental Health & Misunderstanding Why We Must Replace Shame with Compassion and Pain with Self-Care

Men, Mental Health & Misunderstanding: A Call for Compassion

When we talk about suicide, especially among men, the conversation is often clouded by silence, shame and misunderstanding. Despite growing awareness of mental health, outdated beliefs still surface beliefs that equate emotional struggle with weakness and vulnerability with failure. And sometimes, those beliefs show up in the very places where compassion is needed most.

One recent story deeply unsettled me. A man had died by suicide a moment that should have been met with care and mourning. Instead, his funeral was marked by judgment. He was labelled selfish, even cowardly. Rather than honouring his life, his memory was overshadowed by stigma. His grieving family, already bearing the weight of loss, faced harsh scrutiny as if their pain invited shame.

A few years earlier, we lost a university colleague. Within our student group, some claimed he wasn’t “strong enough” that he didn’t represent what “real men” should be. That kind of thinking isn’t just misguided it’s harmful. It reinforces silence. It turns suffering into a secret. And it makes emotional pain harder to talk about when talking is exactly what’s needed.

Would you like me to now reformat the full blog post with this as the new opening?

🧠 Suicide Is Not Cowardice. It’s a Crisis of Pain.

When someone dies by suicide, they are not failing at life.They are not weak.They are not giving up in a way that deserves ridicule. They are often experiencing overwhelming emotional pain, trauma, or a sense of hopelessness that they can’t express or escape. And still, our conversations about suicide especially when it involves men often fall back on outdated myths of masculinity and shame.

📊 The Reality: Men Are Struggling — Silently

According to the UK Government’s most recent Near Real -Time Suspected Suicide Surveillance Report, the suicide rate in October 2024 stands at 9.5 deaths per 100,000 people. For men, that rate climbs to 14.4 per 100,000, compared to 5.0 for women.

The age group most affected? Men aged 45 to 64 with younger and older males not far behind.And yet … we still expect men to “man up.” We still use shame to explain away tragedy. We still confuse vulnerability with weakness.

This silence? This stigma? It’s costing lives.

💭 “Shame doesn’t save lives. Compassion does.”– L2M Coaching

💬 What Real Strength Looks Like

True strength isn’t stoicism. It’s staying when everything in you wants to disappear.It’s reaching out when the voice in your head tells you not to.It’s asking for help even when you don’t have the words.

It’s also us the community, the leaders, the friends, the coaches, the parents refusing to shame those who are struggling and learning instead how to listen, how to support, and how to care.

🧭 A Better Conversation Starts With This:

• Stop calling suicide cowardice.

• Start recognising emotional pain as real and valid.

• Speak to the men in your life not just about work or fitness or football, but about how they are really feeling.

And when they open up even a little, hold space. Not judgment.

❤️ Final Word

Whether you’re a coach, a father, a son, a manager, or a friend this message is for you:

Men feel pain too. And it’s okay to talk about shame, vulnerability and silence. – L2M Coaching

Time to change how we show up, how we speak and how we create space where healing, not hiding, is the norm.

📝 If this resonates with you, I invite you to read, reflect, and share.Together, we can do better for ourselves, for our brothers, for our communities.

📊 Source:UK Gov – Near to Real Time Suspected Suicide Surveillance Report