Do Not Excuse Toxic Behaviour for Passion

Lloyd M
Sep 5
3 min read

Passion is a powerful force. It fuels creativity, drives innovation, and inspires others to act. In leadership, relationships, and personal growth, passion can be the spark that keeps us moving forward when things get tough.

But passion has a shadow side when it is misused or left unchecked. Too often, toxic behaviour gets excused under the banner of “passion.” We hear things like:

“That’s just how they are when they care.”
“They’re tough because they’re dedicated.”
“You have to put up with it if you want results.”
Or the classics: “I’m just telling the truth” or “People just don’t want to hear the truth.”

At first glance, these statements might sound reasonable. After all, we value honesty, commitment, and high standards. But let’s pause here: is it really passion that’s showing up or is it unchecked behaviour that’s causing harm?

Truth Is Not the Problem — Delivery Is

There’s nothing wrong with being honest. In fact, truth-telling is essential for trust and growth. But there’s a difference between telling the truth and weaponizing the truth.

Too many people hide behind “I’m just being honest” when what they’re really doing is being careless with their delivery.

A harsh truth delivered with aggression feels like an attack.
The same truth, delivered with care and respect, feels like guidance.

Delivery changes everything. It’s not just about the words you choose, but also your tone, timing, and body language. A leader who says, “I noticed you’ve been late recently, is everything okay?” creates dialogue. A leader who says, “You’re always late!” shuts it down.

The Danger of Finality Language

Words like always and never are deceptively powerful. They create finality closing down conversation, exaggerating reality, and making the other person feel trapped.

“You always forget.”
“You never listen.”
“You’re impossible to work with.”

These phrases don’t invite change they invite defensiveness. They paint people into a corner where there’s no way out, because always and never leave no room for growth.

Instead of finality language, use language that is specific, situational, and curious:

“I’ve noticed this has happened a few times lately.”
“In today’s meeting, I felt unheard can we try a different approach next time?”
“When deadlines are missed, it impacts the whole team. How can we fix this together?”

The Impact Test: Build or Break?

One of the simplest ways to check whether passion is healthy or harmful is to ask:

👉 Does my passion build others up or break them down?

Healthy passion:

Inspires progress and creativity
Encourages others to contribute
Makes people feel seen, valued, and capable

Toxic behaviour disguised as passion:

Drains energy and divides teams
Creates fear or silence in relationships
Leaves people feeling smaller, unsafe or diminished

What Leaders, Coaches, and Parents Must Remember

As leaders, coaches, parents, or peers, it’s our responsibility to set the tone. Passion should motivate, not manipulate. It should guide, not grind down.

Boundaries matter. Enthusiasm doesn’t justify mistreatment.
Delivery matters. Truth without empathy can do more damage than silence.
Finality words matter. Absolutes like always and never often make the message toxic, even if the intent was passion.

When passion is guided by humility, empathy and respect, it becomes a force for good. Left unchecked, it becomes an excuse for harm.

A Final Reflection

The next time you hear someone excusing harshness or toxicity because of “passion,” “truth-telling,” or claiming “others just can’t handle the truth,” pause and ask yourself:

Is this passion creating growth

or causing damage?

Because real passion doesn’t need to hurt. It uplifts, empowers, and inspires without leaving scars.

💭 Reflection for you: How do you deliver truth with care, avoiding finality language and ensuring your passion builds others up rather than tearing them down?

✨ If this reflection resonated with you, I share more insights, tools, and coaching resources over on my blog at L2MCoaching.com. Join me there for deeper conversations on leadership, emotional intelligence, and personal growth.